Friday, 1 April 2016

Would I Survive An Apocalypse?

I love watching end of the world movies and thinking about what I would do if thrown into these situations. From zombies and diseases to asteroids and the four horsemen. Now it's easy to say I could survive these movies if I had the same training and resources as the hero, unfortunately I do not have the same training or resources as any of the hero's (except maybe Shawn from Shawn of the Dead). So today I thought we would explore exactly how fast I would go in an apocalypse (who knows, maybe I survive one or 2!)

Let's start with what could be the most likely apocalypse on my list - disease.
If any of you have seen the movie contagion or played the game Pandemic 2 you would know how quickly a disease or virus can travel (everywhere except Madagascar apparently, who close down their boarders anytime someone in the world so much as sneezes...). What we learn from movies and video games (obviously the most reliable source for apocalyptic facts) is that when it comes to disease the first people effected are people in airports, on public transport and in hotels. Now for those of you who are unaware, I work in a hotel and I catch public transport to and from work.
My prediction: I wouldn't be patient zero, but I believe I would be one of the first to go. Living in a busy metropolis, working in a hotel and traveling on public transport are all working against me. The best case for this would be to discover I am immune to the disease. That way I could save people without being infected myself.

Next on the most likely list is earth being hit by an asteroid.
The good news is, going off our scientific evidence as shown in movies, the asteroid will hit somewhere in the USA (either New York or LA). This is good news for me as I live in Australia (possibly the furthest country away from the USA). The key to surviving this scenario is to be up to date on the news, as a journalist this is fairly easy for me. I would have to hope that mum is home so I have access to a vehicle so we could drive into the centre of Australia. Hopefully this would be far enough that we wouldn't be effected by the earthquakes or tsunamis that follow the crash. That's best case. Worst case, the asteroid hits Sydney (they always hit a major city). If it hits Sydney then I would unfortunately still be in the impact zone, my clothing will ignite and the surrounding buildings will collapse. I don't think I could survive something like this.
My prediction: This is very much up to chance, if the asteroid hits a place far away then I will survive, if it hits closer to home I'm a goner.

Let's move into the world of fantasy and horror with one of the most popular apocalypse scenario - zombies.
Firstly we need to decide what type of zombies we are dealing with, every one knows if the zombies are awake during the day and the night then they are slow moving, however if the zombies are just night or day zombies then they are going to be fast. I'll look at if I can survive either scenario.
First - Slow walking day and night zombies.
The key to 24 hour slow zombies is to always keep moving and stay hidden. This is easy at the beginning when you have a car and petrol, however petrol will soon run out leaving your car useless. I would then have to rely on my ability to run long distance... This is the point I would die. I wish I could say I am an incredibly athletic young man, but we all know I'm a blogger (not a photoblogger, or a video blogger, just a regular every day blogger) so we can all guess I'm out of shape. I would either die of exhaustion or the zombies would catch me, where I would double die because I wouldn't be able to catch any humans to eat.
Now the fast night or day zombies.
The trick to these zombies is to go out when they are asleep or hiding and gather supplies. Which seems easy enough right? Wrong, my downfall will be my sleep talking and snoring. Now I'm not every loud, but any noise is going to attract these zombies and I'll be caught in my batman pjs and will become the most stylish of the zombies.
My predictions: I will not survive a zombie apocalypse.
EDIT: I forgot to mention that there is a scene were I would die a lot sooner than predicted. That scene would be if my dad was my get away driver... Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, and he is a brilliant driver once the car is in motion... however the problem is getting into the car. Dad (being the safe man he is) likes to make sure his car is locked any time we aren't in it. This sounds like a brilliant idea for the zombie apocalypse right? No zombies will get in the car while we are off sleeping or collecting supplies. Unfortunately dad also doesn't like to unlock the doors at the same time. He will instead unlock his door, get into the car, close his door, start to do up his seatbelt, realise no one else has gotten in the car, and then finally he will unlock the other doors. I feel like this would be certain doom in a zombie apocalypse.

And finally the apocalypse to end all apocalypses - The Apocalypse
Yes, the original apocalypse. we are talking 4 horsemen, raining fire and good christens being saved my the Lord above.
I will not survive this. I eat seafood, support gay marriage and haven't been to church since I left the high school that forced me to go.
My prediction: There is no way in hell (get it, biblical humour) that I will be surviving this apocalypse.

What have I learned from this post? I need to run more, attend more church and of course carry a bottle of hand sanitiser at all times.

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