Thursday, 24 March 2016

wikiHow: An Aliens Guide to Humanity

I know a lot of you out there are skeptical about the possibility of humans being invaded by aliens. But what if I told you it's possible they are already among us? Thanks to wikiHow Aliens would be able to learn how to be human and simply blend in....

How To Be Human:
This is an actual topic on wikiHow. In six simple steps (with accompanying pictures) you are able to learn the basics in blending in with the human race.
The reason I think this article particularly is directed at aliens is because of step 1... meet basic physical needs. If you are a human and you have lived long enough to google how to be human and you haven't been meeting basic physical needs, such as - Breathe Oxygen, Eat Edible Food and Drink Water, and finally Sleep - then I am going to seriously doubt the legitimacy of you being a human.
The rest of the article continues with equally great advice, get a house, make money, have social interactions, and it ends with Fall In Love.

Which brings us nicely to our next article...
How To Fall In Love (With Pictures):
This article details how to fall in love, starting with finding yourself (which admittedly is sweet).
It then goes on to talk about how you need to find the right person... but doesn't say how... So we can just jump to...

3 Ways To Pick Up A  Girl In A Club:
Yes.. I'm serious, there is a wikiHow article on how to pick up at the club. However this article reads a lot like A Sociopaths Guide to Human Interaction. With gems of advice ranging from - Breech The Touch Barrier, to Stick With The Same Woman Once You've Developed Some Chemistry but don't forget to Keep Conversations Brief and Direct.

While these seem like harmless things for the alien to learn it's what they can learn after they become human that concerns me the most...

How To Become A Dictator: 10 Steps (with Pictures)
That's right, in 10 easy steps you to can learn what it takes to be a dictator!
We start with 'Personal Keys To Absolute Power' where you are reminded that in order to rise to power you have to want to rise to power. Apparently no one becomes a dictator by mistake... You also have to be self centred, charismatic and trust no more than you need to (which is kind of vague).
Once you have the 'Personal Keys To Absolute Power' it's time to learn how to actually assume power. The first step being, just take over an existing dictatorship! It can't be that hard can it? I mean you do have the Personal Keys To Absolute Power... However if you aren't successful in overthrowing a pre-established dictatorship you just have to find a country that's ripe for the taking! Wiki:How recommends countries that are going through economic hardships or famine; of course having a weak or oppressive government doesn't hurt.

I am becoming more and more convinced that the sole purpose of wikiHow is to lead an alien invasion against us.

So keep your guard up, and look for anyone who is constantly checking their phone for a list reminding them to breathe, eat and sleep.

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